Borat: A Sign Saying "It's ok, I'm Jewish"

My husband D and I went to see Borat last night. We're normally not big movie-goers, but typically wait for something to come out on DVD or pay-per view and watch it at home. It's cheaper, more comfortable to relax on a couch, and the element of pause for bathroom breaks basically kicks ass. However, we couldn't wait to see Borat - so many friends said it's hilarious and every trailer I've seen had me laughing my ass off.

In the movie, we both experienced something that neither one of us was aware the other one was thinking until after the movie was over. There were fewer than 20 people in the theater with us, an added bonus when you see a 5PM showing on a Monday night. I think D and I both have great senses of humor - we're able to laugh at ourselves on a daily basis and find loads of things funny. We laughed throughout a lot of the movie, and felt like our chuckles were the only ones at times. In particular, there was a scene called "Running of the Jew" where Borat has Kazakhs running down the street being chased by a person wearing an oversized head that looks 'stereotypical' like a Jew. In the middle of my laughter, I couldn't help but think, "Are these other people in the theater judging me and think that I'm laughing because they're making fun of Jews?" or do they know I realize the social commentary Sascha Baron Cohen is making?

It was the first time in my life I wanted to wear a sign or tell everyone in the theater, "It's ok because I'm a Jew." There were even times where I resisted laughing, almost fearful that I shouldn't be laughing at these scenes but rather saying "Holy shit I can't believe he was doing this!" I had wondered if, during the scene where Cohen was ripping into a church that was "saving him", if Christians felt the same way.

Don't get me wrong. The movie was fucking brilliant to say the least.

Hotel sundries

I have an unhealthy obsession with hotel bathroom sundries. Lotions, shampoos, conditioners, soaps, sewing kits, perfumes, shower caps and anything of the bathroom variety - I love them. I am blessed with two bathrooms in my apartment - one is for my husband and I, one for guests - and the one for guests also serves as a storage room for this addiction. Taking a quick inventory, I have:

- 16 small bottles of shampoo
- 12 small bottles of conditioner
- 15 flat packets of perfume (picture a ketchup packet with perfume inside)
- 6 bars of oatmeal soap
- 4 bars of green vegetable soap
- 12 bottles of lotion

I take them because I feel like I'm entitled to them, and I love free stuff. I also take them to spice up my normal bathing routine with new scents, and also to make family and friends feel extra special that they have my stolen hotel sundries to use whenever they want.

I took this addiction to a new low last weekend. D's (my hubby) parents were in town, staying at the W Hotel. We visited them on the morning of their departure, and lo and behold - a housekeeping cart was parked directly in front of their room, with no housekeeper nor sound of vacuums in sight. I made my move: I grabbed 4 Bliss lotions, shampoos and conditioners. (Bliss is a spa in NYC and many other urban centers, and their stuff ain't cheap). After dwelling in their hotel room for about 20 minutes, I realized that the remaining lotions, shampoos, and conditioners were STILL in the hallway, begging for a home. I took 3 more of each, chucked 'em in a hotel laundry bag, and walked my happy ass out of the hotel.

This was a week ago. I'm still beaming ear-to-ear. I'm crazy.

The forgotten blog

It's been MONTHS since I've written in here. The good news is, that's because I've been busy working a ton, been busy with my singing group, and been busy taking care of my husband as he recovers from a knee surgery. The bad news is, I had to post today to get over the guilt of not posting, and I really don't have anything exciting to say today, other than that turning the clocks back isn't so bad. I had to get out at 7AM this morning to buy some Tilex for our housekeeper that's coming (first time I've had one since I've moved and I'm both nervous and excited. Nervous because there are little things I don't want her to break or damage, and excited because I hate cleaning, am horrible at it, and don't have the patience for it.). How does this relate to turning the clocks back? At 7AM in NYC it was bright as hell from the sun, it had warmed the 45 degree air, and it somehow made me forget that it's Monday.

Vacationing with Dad

I'm going out of town for 5 days with my Dad. It's something I've never done, and my husband's not even coming with me. I am hoping it will be a lot of fun but also feel like 5 straight days with just the two of us we might drive each other nuts, run out of stuff to talk about, or simply be ready to come home. We're going to take a mini-course/seminar for a week, and in the constant quest to keep my identity somewhat unknown to the strangers to find my blog, that's all I'll say about that.

Off to a 4 year old birthday party (my cutie nephew) on Friday, and still figuring out how not to be too depressed that I'm leaving my husband and dog behind. I hope they don't forget about me :)

Two Blogging Identities

Well, I've changed my template from cotton-candy-almost-too-sweet-to-be-me to a clean, white slate. I also have another blog I'm writing for online, and I'm actually getting paid for that one. The conundrum I face is this: do I merge the two identities -- letting everyone know who I really am? The other blog has my face, my real name, but is purely professional without a smidge of personal detail.

I don't think I'm ready to take that plunge. Having anonymity is a good thing, and to this day I still regret telling a lot of people about this blog (people I know personally offline). I forget who they are sometimes, and I find myself mentally editing before I write to be sure not to offend. What fun is that if I can't be 100% honest?

It's all coming together

I haven't written in the past few weeks because I've slipped into a somewhat self-deprecating mode of "What is my life amounting to?" and "What do I really want to DO with my 24 hours in a day other than sleep for about 8 of them?" In the last week I was offered a meeting with a friend (and VERY high level exec at an entertainment company) to co-write a book with her. I was officially offered a position to blog for a web site that is all about my neighborhood. Both job offers actually PAY money, I can do them from home, and both involve my ever-growing passion for writing.

Can I get an 'amen'?

Charmin Ultra - less is more

When I was younger, my P.E. teacher (remember calling them that since it stood for "Physical Education" which was entirely too long to pronounce?) used to call me Charmin, because my last name sorta sounded like it and, according to him, it rhymed. Not so. That's like when my Dad, growing up, first learned about rhyming words and said that "tin" and "can" rhyme.

Yesterday a commercial came on tv comparing Charmin Ultra to brand X of toilet paper, and how less of Charmin worked better at absorption than the other brand. That, I believed. Their scientific approach was a bunch of bullshit. They laid a piece of toilet paper down and spritzed it with a water solution that was tinted blue. After a few seconds (gotta love time lapse), they lifted it up, showed the Charmin still in tact, and showed that the surface below the Charmin was completely dry!!!!!!

Problems with said advertisement:
1) Who pees blue?
2) Who only pees the equivalent of about a split second of pee? Let's see the above example after a long night of drinking, followed up by the "next morning" pee.
3) What about poop? Are they going to throw a Baby Ruth on there and see if it's gonna hold up?
4) Who ever needs or wants to touch the surface anywhere near any piss, crap or anything coming out of "those" orafices? I don't give a shit if the counter is dryer than the other brand.... is there anything to do with toilet paper other than the following steps: a) wipe and b) flush?

Apparently the folks at Charmin are robots and have never experienced what going to the bathroom actually means. Talk about false advertisements. Yeah - you could say the ad bugged the shit out of me and really pissed me off.

Don't steal what's not really mine

I arrange music for a cappella groups. I have arranged for my groups in the past, arrange for my current group, and was fortunate enough to break into arranging for other groups and get paid for it. This isn't comprised of writing original songs, but taking another song, doing a "cover" of it, and arranging for anywhere from 4-11 part harmonies. As far as I know, there's no legal way to protect these arrangements, and I'm finding out that members from my old group (both in college and post-college) have basically taken my arrangements with them to other groups. It's an incredibly frustrating situation because there's no legal recourse, I honestly consider these people my friends, but in a way, since I can get paid for this, it's making me lose money. I had to send an e-mail asking all people I've ever sung with (this goes back over 10 years!) to ask them to just ask my permission first.

Welcome to "Super Anal Rentitive" side of me. Check your absent-mindedness and lack of attention to teeny weeny details at the door.

Avoid the "Danny & Pepper Jerk Express"

You'll understand the title when you reach #8 below. This entry is dedicated as the Top 10 Reasons You Know You're A True Foodie. Not a gourmet foodie, but just an unhealthy obsession with food, talking about food, reading and writing about it.

1) I read "Fast Food Nation" and yet I've been spotted with a McDonald's burger since that book.

2) I read "The Man Who Ate Everything" and thought "he could've eaten more - he didn't really eat EHHHHVERYTHING".

3) I watched "Supersize Me". Ditto to #2 about still having McD's every so often. I have even driven to the one drive-through McDonald's in Manhattan. Bet YOU don't know where it is.

4) I signed up on Zagat's to be a reviewer for them. Seriously. You submit a few reviews, even if/when they don't get published, and you get a free copy of the book. EVERY YEAR. I have the silliest Zagat's (Movies, Broadway shows, nightlife, etc)

5) One of my bookmarks: Eater - a site purely about NYC restaurants openings, closings, buzz, etc.

6) Chowhound - site for NY foodies to recommend what's good in what neighborhood, etc.

7) GOLDEN APPLE AWARD: These are given out by the NY Dept of Health Inspections. The NY Restaurant Inspection Lists are here - you can sort by zip code or by violation points too see what's REALLY gross.

8) My version is the GOLDEN SHITBOX AWARD: Follow-up to #7. I wasted time and wanted to see what restaurant in NYC got the worst rating based on violations. Danny and Pepper earned 193. You are in some serious shit if you get a 35 or worse. Don't worry, the DOHI closed 'em down.

9) I save my "fat" pants just in case I get REAAAAAALLLLY into food again.

10) Though a slightly "almost racist" statement (screw it - it's my blog) - what Jew do you know that doesn't love food? I can tell you which ones. The ones that LIE. Every gathering we have revolves around food. Hell - we have a freakin' HOLIDAY that centralizes around what certain foods symbolize all piled on one plate. AND - our holiday that asks us to be forgiven for our wrong-doings? We repent by NOT EATING.

Time to write a book

For years I've been saying I want to write. Write articles, write a book, write in my blog. Now's the time to kick myself in the ass and start in on this book. Not a pleasant topic but one that's built up inside of me from the last 17 years - obsessive compulsive disorder. Not from the perspective of science or medicine but more of the personal side of what it's like to live with it.

And off we go... step one, chapter outlines. My gameplan is courtesy of my good friend, who writes for a living and is currently writing a book.

So um yeah - it's broken

5 days after the hospital visit, the doc called and said they did a "re-read" (what the fuck is that?) of my x-ray and my finger is broken. I go to a specialist who confirms it and even shows me the break on the x-ray, and a few weeks later my finger is still in a lovely splint. But it's a nifty high-tech splint that looks like it was made out of silly putty that hardens to your finger. I am doing way too much typing as it is and am supposed to lay off it. Still ugly bruising and now a nice fat bump on it now that swelling is starting to subside. More entries to come when my finger is healed in mid-May unless I'm feeling particularly feisty to write an entry before then...

Hello neighborhood hospital

Well now that I'm in a new neighborhood, I had a chance to visit my new local hospital, apparently picking one that was actually FURTHER from another one close to me. After jury duty (I was selected and am on a case but can't discuss until it's over... should be short), I left the courthouse, tripped and fell on a VERY beat up sidewalk, and damn near broke my hand. 90 minutes at the hospital showed it wasn't broken, but damn it's an ugly bruise all up and down my pointer finger. Fortunately - my non-dominant hand, but I'm forced into short posts/less typing until it heals! I'm not a clutz I swear - the sidewalk was horrible.

Blogging jury duty

Well, I made it past my 29th birthday and had never been summoned for jury duty until now. I postponed my service until now because before it was smack in the middle of moving. Of course, the post office lost my second form I was to receive with my new date, and so I had to show up at the courthouse at 8am to get a new form. That was the bad news. The good news is there are 6 stations inside the 'waiting' room for laptop computers, and yours truly was here early enough to land one. I think there are more stations outside but I'm parked right by the window (complete with cool breeze) but also next to the men's room. The desk is a little high but the chairs are pretty comfortable, so I'm sure my carpal tunnel-like symptoms will emerge once again by the time I'm done serving.

I'll add updates throughout the day if there's anything exciting, yet I somehow have psychic powers today and know there won't be much to report!

10AM update: still no names called yet. They put everyone's tickets into a hopper and that's how we get chosen. I'm so glad I got this workstation and am not cramped next to everyone in the main section of the room. This breeze by the window is a blessing: they asked if anyone was warm and about 10 people on the other side of the room raised their hands. Suckers. Isn't this the most boring entry ever?

Meeting a child of Communist Germany

I normally don't find myself on a computer when I'm on vacation, but I've had a lot of down time on this vacation (I'm in the Caribbean with my family) and had free internet access. I met a fascinating person who's about my age who grew up in Communist Germany named Madlen - she's 31 and was 14 when the Berlin Wall came down. We wound up talking with her for about an hour; she had a bad experience with someone Jewish. When they found out she was German, beforehand they were really quite nice to her and befriended her. Once they found out - they turned cold and stopped talking to her. So - since she doesn't interact with many Jewish people, being Jewish she asked my husband and I if most Jews disliked Germans. I explained to her my perspective - it's a generation gap where people my parents' age and older may not have a desire to learn more or experience visiting Germany, and even some people my grandparents' age hate Germans. Understandably, being alive during WWII it's obvious where those feelings come from, but being a child of Generation X, which I consider a somewhat "rebellious generation", it makes me really uncomfortable when someone says something like "well their people killed ours" -- but what does that have to do with those descendants today?

As for my husband and I - it's more of a fascination with a culture and finding someone our age who "only got bananas twice a year" and wasn't allowed to watch American tv, it was a unique and educational perspective I'd never heard before. Madlen was taught that Hitler was bad and what he did was wrong, but she also had no opportunity to learn about religion and has no religion herself.

Wow. My first semi-political post.

Not so much to say

I'm posting today only b/c it's been over two weeks since my last post, and I really wanted to be consistent with my blog. I know many of my posts are funny complaints, silly stories, or just "what the fuck" posts - and I'm NEVER political on my blog (not yet, at least)...

Today I will post to say that it's 24 degrees in NYC, sunny, and my hubby and I are moving in less than a month. I couldn't be more excited. My friends are all starting to turn 30, I'm starting to see more wrinkles, and I am starting to make a very very very modest (we're not breaking the bank here) living at doing arrangements for a cappella groups.

Me and my big mouth

Have you ever told someone "Hey check out my blog at www.blablabla.com" and then regretted you told them about it? I never realized my blog would be such an outlet for me to vent feelings, and unfortunately I'm at the point where I can't remember which people I've told my site about... and some of them might be offended if I posted stuff that indirectly pertains to them. No - to you that are my friends that I e-mail/IM with on a weekly basis, this is not you, but let's just say from my old singing group I think I told one too many people about this blog.

I am loving my new singing group, missing my friends dearly in my old one (you know who you are) and the girls I was just starting to become good friends with, but not missing: the drama, lack of "type-A-getting-stuff-done" attitude, and not missing the silly rules I hated to abide by. It's just a good feeling in life when you make a decision and the future reinforces the fact that you feel like you made the right decision. I was so worried that when I left my a cappella group I'd kick myself for doing it.

Now let's see how long it takes to get this post back to the group and "what a bitch" I am/must be.

The sheer stupidity of online quizzes

There are literally THOUSANDS of online quizzes you can take for fun; merely to see the results and say "oh that's so NOT true" or "oh how cool, that's totally me" or "No way, I'm not Day and Night Barbie, I'm glam Barbie", or my personal favorite:

"Neat. Let me send to my friends so they can have the same reaction."

Here's a quiz I took about what I should major in. I guess I need to go back to school and have my music degrees revoked. At least I'm comforted in knowing Journalism made the top of my list, and I'm a die-hard LOVE to write writer.

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist! Journalism 92% Linguistics 83% Psychology 75% English 67% Philosophy 58% Mathematics 50% Theater 50% Anthropology 50% Art 33% Dance 33% Engineering 25% Sociology 25% Biology 17% Chemistry 0% created with QuizFarm.com

Happy 29 to me. For real.

So many people have birthdays and use the old adage of "29 again, huh?" - well today I really am 29. Birthdays like 26 and 27 were a little depressing because I started to feel old, but somehow 29 doesn't feel bad at all. Actually it feels pretty great - probably because my husband turns the big 3-0 in two months. Hee hee.

Addictive Site of the Day

Imagine your typical refrigerator with magnetic letters on it. Imagine trying to spell a word while 40 other people are trying at the same time; taking your letters whenever they want. I don't know how long this site will be up but you have to check it out because it's virtual fridge magnet letters and it's maddening how addictive it is. Enjoy!

4 times in a century

In the last 100 years, Christmas and the beginning of Hanukkah have fallen on the same day, so I felt it was necessary to post today to both honor that and wish all my readers, my friends, and anyone who stumbles upon this post a Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Merry Christmas!!!