Thursday, September 08, 2005

Coldplay Concert - the good and the bad

The bad: I put this first because it's the funny part. We were stuck next to a drunk asshole and his drunk girlfriend at Coldplay last night. Here's my list of the top 10 things NOT to do at a concert, all of which we actually experienced last night.

1) Do not put your garbage directly in front of my seat, so when I first arrive I have to kick it back over to your bitches' chair.
2) Do not raise your arms in the air every time you recognize a note and yell "WHOOOOOO" like you just won a fucking Oscar.
3) Do not dance with your girlfriend in the small space between our row and the row in front of you like it's a high school prom. Wrapping your arms around each other and doing the lambada is inexcusable, and I don't like your girlfriend's ass in my face while I'm sitting down.
4) Do not scream "you fucking moron" for the entire 2nd song of the set at your girlfriend, then ask the people behind you to shine their lighted cell phones in her purse while she tries to find her $70 Lenscrafter glasses that she lost.
5) Do not high-5 your friends when she finds them on the beer-stained floor and immediately puts them on her face without wiping them off.
6) Do not leave your girlfriend so you can "crash" the floor seats; she will cry and whine and generally be a killjoy for my listening pleasure.
7) Do not rip off your cheap Strawberry (yeah, you know the store) Brooklyn fake baseball jersey to reveal a wife-beater underneath.
8) Do not allow your drunk-ass girlfriend to lean over on our shared arm rest to put on her jacket, then seemingly punch me (oops) when she's trying to find the armhole for her arm to go through.
9) Do not try to pick a fight with skinny white dude behind you, simply because he was asking nicely for you to chill out a bit (this is when I realized sitting next to this asshole wasn't as bad as sitting behind him).
10) Do not ever attend a concert again, for the sorry people behind you and next to you will feel like they wasted their money as well.

The good: They played for about an hour and a half, played a lot of their best songs, and even did a few acoustic songs. During "Yellow" these giant yellow balloons fell from the ceiling of MSG, filled with confetti, and trying to bounce one to the front was like trying to catch a fly ball at Yankee Stadium. I got one good swing at one, accompanied by one total miss (looking like a flailing idiot as I tried to strike one that went past me).

Live - the band is great. Chris Martin sings sooooo well in concert, the music basically rocked out, and the visual effects (I usually hate the cheesy stuff bands do) were simple lighting and a cool screen behind the band with their images projected on it. At one point, they flashed "Get your camera ready" then did a countdown, then had this great effect, showed the audience on the screen, and cameras went off everywhere. I was the only goodie-two-shoes who really listened when they said not to bring cameras, but then again - a tiny flash will not light up the 20,000 person arena.

Feeling randomly old: Lighters have been replaced by cell phones. When a slow song came on, thousands of cell phones were held in the air with their phone lights on. I felt SOOOO old when this happened.

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